thoughts on firsts

Yeah I know, I didn’t finish the story yet.  Sorry, but writer’s block is a bitch.  In the meantime here’s my thoughts after this weekend.

This weekend I got to attend a really awesome event hosted by my local bdsm group.  I always have a great time at their events, so I knew this weekend would be no exception.  The people are always welcoming, friendly, and delightfully kinky and perverted. *grin*

What made this weekend special was that two fairly new friends of mine drove up to check it out.  They’ve recently become a little disillusioned with their local group because of some controversial opinions aired about switches and poly relationships, so I invited them up to check out our group in the hope that they’d have a better time in a group with a more tolerant attitude.

Obviously they’re both deliciously perverted and fun or I wouldn’t want to hang out with them so much; but I was also hoping to get to play with both of them.  I only got half my wish due to time constraints, and a really really nice resistance scene with my Daddy, but even half was more than I bargained for.

I won’t go into a lot of details, other than she looked absolutely lovely squirming against the ropes and makes lots of very interesting and adorable sounds when you tickle her. *smile*

The really big thing, the thing that blew me away was that she cried for me.  She told me later that no one had ever gotten her to that point before, and from her reactions and our conversation a couple of days later it was a pretty positive thing for her.

I’ve always been turned on by tears, either from myself or others; but hearing her say that it was a first for her was a really powerful feeling.  I don’t think I can describe how it feels to know that I gave someone a “first”.  I’ve heard others make jokes about “popping a cherry” but I’m not quite that casual about it when it comes to sm play, especially when such play involves emotions and altered mental states rather than just physical sensation.  To take someone to what they thought was their limit, and then past it to the cathartic release that brings on tears is incredibly empowering.  My sadist side absolutely loved that she’d lost control so much, but the tears also brought out my nurturing side that likes to take care of people.  In a weird way though the two sides weren’t conflicted…even the nurturing side felt that the release was something good for her, something she needed to experience.

It’s always a wonderful feeling to teach and help people newer than me to the lifestyle, or teach something I know to someone who’s been around a while but somehow managed to miss it.  I feel it’s important to give back to the community, but I choose a more personal way to do that.  I don’t teach classes very often, I don’t run for titles or leadership positions.  I try to help people one by one; personally and in whatever way I feel competent to do so.  It was my very great honor this weekend to expose someone new to what’s possible when you have a good connection with someone, and trust them enough to let them take you there.

Thank you so much Ellie, for letting me take you there, and thank you Jay for sharing so very very well.  Next time we’ll need to try a change of roles, so that I can see where you and I can go together. *smile*

~ by switchynina on October 29, 2008.